5 Steps to Handling Haters

If you’ve ever done something worth doing, somebody probably got pissed off. If you’re a highly effective person who is in the habit of doing good things, then you likely have a growing army of haters attacking you from all sides. The best of us thrive through this, and take it as a sign of success. Others unfortunately get discouraged, back down, and slump away. There’s a lot of reasons for this, but it can generally be summed up to a certain demographic of people who just hate good shit. Maybe it’s envy, maybe it’s just a desire to watch the world burn, maybe they just spent way too much time in public school or watching television, but the outcome is the same. A general desire to destroy good things, which only grows more ferocious with their repeated failures to do so.

As a hater magnet myself, I find myself uniquely qualified to give you some advice on dealing with haters in your own life. 

Step 1. Don’t Panic About Haters

If someone is coming after you about something you’ve done, chances are, it’s not because you fucked up. If you had fucked up, this person, or these people, would simply have stopped associating with you. The reason they are coming after you is because they are haters. Haters cannot silently disassociate, because disassociation still allows the object of their hatred to exist. They are driven by an urge to destroy good shit, and the fact that they want to destroy you means you’re doing something good.

So at the first sign of haters, you should smile. Be glad that you’re making an impact. Like their comments. Ask them intelligent questions about their hatred. Ask them if they were abused as a child (haters often develop their desire to be humiliated in early childhood, it reminds them of when daddy used to sneak into their bed at night, which causes them a guilty sexual arousal).

Don’t expect an intelligent response. If they had anything intelligent to say they would have said it, instead of being haters. It’s just fun to watch them squirm.

Step 2. Identify the Hater’s Motive

5 Steps To Handling Haters
5 Steps To Handling Haters

It’s important to know why this person is hating.

Usually it is envy speaking, and this is the most easily identified motive. Someone who is doing basically the same thing as you, but having no success, will often look to take you down a peg thinking this will bring them up. They got this from communist economic propaganda they learned in school. The theory is that there is only so much prosperity to go around, and so by taking some of your prosperity away, they will, by some cosmic transfer of prosperity, receive some small portion of your success.

This is ridiculous of course. Transferring popularity or skill at a particular function doesn’t work that way. No more than redistributing wealth helps an economy prosper. No point in telling your hater this, any more than there is in telling Hillary Clinton that businesses create jobs.

These are the best kind of haters, because as we’ll discuss later, they actually end up increasing your success in their efforts to destroy you.

The second most popular motive for irrational hate is ideological opposition. This could be a good or a bad thing. If you’re a regular reader of this blog who generally agrees with me, then it’s fairly unlikely that your ideological opposition has any rational basis for existing. If you’re a fuckin Green Party shithead, then the people who hate you, hate you because you suck.

Assuming you’re not some statist, religionist, race pimp, feminist, or economic retard, your ideological opposition probably is. These people are easily dispatched with facts and evidence. Such things won’t convince them of course, but it can be a lot of fun to mock them publicly.

The third most popular cause is common ignorance. Most people are dumb as a box of rocks and there isn’t a great deal of hope for these folks. They’ll also identify themselves pretty rapidly by making inane responses to whatever you do that don’t even fit into any particular school of thought. They are making it up as they go along and just hating for the sake of hating. Whenever someone responds to a political argument by calling you fat, you know you’re dealing with a moron.

Step 3. Gauge What the Haters Can Do for You.

The name of the game in dealing with haters is using their energy to benefit yourself. In some instances, the hater really has no energy and they are pretty useless. In other instances haters are very hard workers who can help you immensely.

A hater willing to engage in debate might help you hash out an important issue, you won’t change the hater’s mind, but you might help your audience understand better. A hater with a large social media presence may tell other people about you, and draw more attention to your work. A hater with a blog can help drive up your search engine relevancy. A hater who is actually willing to leave his keyboard and get up in your face can make great video. A hater who resorts to violence can give you an excuse to kick the crap out of him and show people that you are capable of defending yourself. Even a keyboard warrior with nothing can serve as a source of entertainment for you and your audience, or be used as a public example of how stupid your opposition is.

On the other hand, a hater who has nothing intelligent to say, no interest in facts, isn’t very well informed, has no friends, no noteworthy blog, no media presence, no energy to get up and actually do something, etc… These types aren’t bringing anything to the table.

If there is something to be gained from this hater, then continue reading. If there is nothing to be gained, then this is the final step in dealing with this peasant. Leave them free to comment, or block them, it doesn’t really matter. Exercise your own personal preference.

Step 4. Bait the Hook

If you’ve determined that there is an energetic hater who can help benefit you with their energy, you want to make sure they dedicate as much of that energy to you as possible. If done properly, this is second only to slavery in terms of cost efficiency.

Get to know what really upsets them the most, and then do it in a totally over the top manner. Make sure whatever you do is entertaining and interesting so lots of people take interest in it. The more it shows up in their social media feeds, the more it will make their anus hurt, and the more their anus hurts, the more energy they will dedicate to you.

When doing this, be careful not to give too much undue attention to your hater. A hater that is of little notoriety should not be linked to or mentioned by name. What really upsets and motivates most haters is their perpetual nothingness. If you make them feel important you might cure them, and that’s the last thing any successful person wants to do to their haters.

On the other hand, a hater that is of some note should be featured prominently in the bait. These haters are driven by ego, and will do anything to promote anything that mentions them, even in a negative light. When they see themselves being mocked in their own social media feeds, their anuses begin to leak lava, and lava has lots of energy.

Step 5. Reel The Haters In

Once your hater has responded to the bait, the hook is planted firmly in their face and there isn’t much they can do about it. They are solidly under your control and you can do with them as you see fit. You can reel them all the way into the boat, deprive them of the water that their gills need to survive, and watch them flop around until they die. Or you can release them, bait the hook again, and get some more use out of them.

My personal favorite is to get them all riled up and then stop responding to them for a few weeks, then throw an effortless jab in their direction once they’ve begun to calm down so as to keep their anuses burning perpetually with minimal effort on my part. Letting them die on the boat might bring with it some satisfaction, but that’s like killing your slave for kicks. You get more return on your investment if you keep harnessing their energy for your own purposes.

If you do this right, haters will promote you wherever they go, and their misery will make them completely undesirable to people. So when they express their hatred for you and the work you’re doing, worthy people will take interest in what this miserable sack of shit is so turned off by. They will increase your web traffic, ad revenues, public profile, sex life, and all around success. Keep them at just the right distance, and they will do this for months or even years, and it won’t cost you a dime.

Like I said, it’s second only to slavery in terms of cost efficiency, and best of all, it’s voluntary.

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Chris

Christopher Cantwell comedian, writer, voice artist, and Patriot.

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