I’m Definitely Going to Jail

Well goys, it looks like Stage 3 of the Radical Agenda will see its final episode on Wednesday, and Thursday we’ll record the first episode of Stage 2 of Live from Seg. The motion to revoke my bond seemed flimsy before, but now my fate is sealed.

I’ve been caught red handed. The latest accusation is that I’ve figured out how to disable the GPS monitor strapped to my ankle, and teleport to unspecified places at unspecified times. Now that my mad skillz have been discovered, sightings are pouring in from around the universe, and throughout time, confirming that I’ve been doing quite a bit of travel while I was supposed to be confined to my city of residence within the People’s Democratic Republic of Virginia.

First I borrowed a car.

Then I drove all the way to Tel Aviv, to spread revenge communism to the Jews.

Then I stopped in Mexico to confront the Caravan. But I got hungry.

Here I can be seen helping this Jewess find her way to the showers.

Then I went to Woodstock to yell at hippies about the dangers of drugs and “free love”

Then I tried to go back and stop┬áJames Paddock, but I didn’t have my guns…

Then I totally owned Eminem in a battle rap in Detroit.

Eminem gave me a gun, so I helped clean up the mess in Newnan, Georgia.

Then I tried to save the Confederacy.

Then I joined the Nation of Islam.

Here I can be seen making holocaust survivors dreams come true.

My misogyny clearly knows no bounds…

Here I can be seen conspiring with the Jews, to sell out the Alt Right to the FBI.

This was an accident. Mr. Fusion was working, so I had the 1.433 gigawatts, but I needed regular gasoline to get the DeLorean up to 88mph.

Here I am tainting the reputation of the original Kang.

Here I am at a Black Lives Matter demonstration.

Then I went to protest the war in Germany.

Sadly, it looks like I will not be able to seek a second term…

Even when I am traveling the world, I can’t stop playing video games…

And then I said “If a comrade of ours opens a Jewish newspaper in the morning and does not find himself vilified there, then he has spent yesterday to no account. For if he had achieved something he would be persecuted, slandered, derided and abused.”

This was my real goal when I showed Vice News my guns…

It wasn’t all bad, I gave first aid to this car crash victim in Toronto.

This guy talks too damn fast…

Here I am conspiring with notorious white supremacist terrorist, Sam Hyde. He can’t keep getting away with this!

More proof that I’m working with the Jews.


The crying Nazi video helped me get in touch with my feminine side. I love abortion now.

Protesting YouTube censorship.

Here I can be seen at another Black Lives Matter rally, protecting activists from police.

And I do it all for the glory of the Reich.

This one isn’t technically a violation, because I only went up.

Have you seen this man?







Christopher Cantwell comedian, writer, voice artist, and Patriot.

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