Radical Agenda S04E062 – Snowflakes

Twas the night before Christmas, in the District of Criminals

They shut down the government, but disruptions were minimal

UPDATE: I re-recorded this intro as a separate blog post due to errors I made during the live read on the show.

The bump stocks were banned, though the wall not forthcoming

The Reds still run riot, while the feds still do nothing

The patriots sat on the edge of their seats

Preparing for war, though hoping for peace

And I in New Hampshire, friends locked in Virginia

On this Christmas Eve special, of the Radical Agenda

Just after the show, there arose such a clatter

I pulled out my Glock to see what was the matter

I rushed out the door to see a man dressed in red

I pulled out my pistol and said “You move and you’re dead!”

“You Red commie fucks try to get me on Christmas?”

“You’re lucky I’m sober or I’d give you the business!”

“What’s in that bag? Bunch of crude IED’s?”

“And why does your car have no wheels, just skis?”

“What’s wrong with your dogs with that shit on their heads?”

“That one in the front, why’s his nose so red?”

The man looked right at me, no fear in his eyes

So I emptied my mag screaming DIE COMMIE DIE!

The bullets just hung in the air like the Matrix

The man started laughing “Ho, Ho, Ho, Hey Chris”

“I’m not with antifa or Redneck Revolt, and those are my reindeer, not mutant pit bulls”

“You’re too paranoid, though I understand why,

given your experience with a corrupt FBI.

You’ve had a rough year, but that’s over now,

The tables are turning, and I’ll help, here’s how”

He opened his bag, and gave me a gift,

I tore it right open, and nearly did shit

A small piece of plastic three inches by two

My picture was on it, and my birthday too

A license of some sort, which never expires

It gave me permission to straight open fire

On trannies, and negroes, especially Jews

Communists, traitors, and Neocons too.

I said “This is bullshit, it must be a trap!

You’re from the North Pole, and you have to go back!

No way you can issue a Red hunting license

If I try to use this I’ll be in confinement

He said “It’s true, I lack the authority,

but lucky for you, the gift’s not from me”

I turned the thing over to look at the back

The President’s Seal and the signature matched

Still in disbelief , I said “You must be a Jew!

The President fucked us, and you’re in on it too,

My friends are in prison, though they broke no law,

This shutdown’s a scam, we’re getting no wall,

Why would Trump try to help me like this?

You must think I’m drunk just cause it’s Christmas!”

He said “I get it, but calm down, there’s more”

He pulled out his smartphone, and I heard a roar

Or more of a whirring it turned out to be,

As Marine 1 then landed, right on my street

The President got out, his hand to his brow,

I returned the salute, still wondering how.

The President said “I know times are tough,

You’ve been through a lot, far more than enough,

But I need your help, and that of your friends,

The swamp can’t be drained, but this ain’t the end

Nice place you’ve got here, New Hampshire’s so White,

You must keep it that way, no matter the fight

That license is real, and so is this bargain

If you get arrested, I’ll give you a pardon

The country is lost, but the Nation lives on

I need you to save it, I’m merely a pawn”

The chopper took off, and I looked at Santa

He looked back at me and said “What you’re doing matters,

People may smear you, and treat you like shit,

But if not for white people, there’d be no Christmas,

The Struggle is real, believe me I know,

Those Jews hate me too, and I’ve not hurt a soul.

I bring people presents and give children glee,

But that never stopped kikes from slandering me,

So keep your head up, there’s good times ahead

Your friends are in jail now, but they aren’t dead

You still have a chance, to set this thing right,

Merry Christmas to all, save America’s Whites!”


740-I-AM-1488 if you would like to be on the pogrom, and the more you talk the less I have to, so please do, give us a call.

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Christopher Cantwell comedian, writer, voice artist, and Patriot.

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