Radical Agenda S05E068 – Buyback

I just saw a story in my news feed that Kamala Harris is on board with Beto’s compulsory gun buyback program. The story was published in a conservative news source, which was unhappy about the position she had taken. I don’t know why everybody is so up in arms about this proposal. I think it actually sounds like a fantastic idea, that fully brings the 2nd amendment into alignment with our Nation’s newly defined concept of Rights.

I’m kidding of course, but bear with me.

Back when I used to spend a lot of time in bars in New York, buyback had a very different connotation than the one being used today in the gun control debate. There, a “buyback” is a free drink, courtesy of the bartender and/or the house, a reward to a good customer/tipper, to keep them coming back.

Now that our country has abandoned the concept of Rights established at the founding, and replaced it with the idea that the government provides us with things we have a right to, such as food, shelter, and medicine, it is time for us to fully honor the 2nd amendment in this context as well. Thusly defined, a mandatory gun buyback program would compel citizens to accept free firearms from the government, or pay a prohibitively expensive fine.

Conservatives may scoff at the proposal for myriad reasons, and I would scoff right back for many more.

“How do we pay for this massive expenditure?” they say…

To which I dutifully respond: “Balderdash!”

At the end of the day, this is an investment in our economy that should grow our wealth as a nation, so the question isn’t how we will pay for it, but what will we do with our new shared prosperity.

The cost of this program will be less than $320,000,000,000. Far less, indeed, since I simply took a rough estimate of 320 million people living in the United States and multiplied it by $1,000. Surely the United States government could provide every man woman and child in the United States with a rifle, a pistol, and a shotgun for less than this, once the bargaining power of such a massive purchase is factored in.

That is less than half of our annual military spending, and will certainly do more to protect the homeland than anything our military has done for Israel in the last 18 years. By putting an AR-15, Glock 17, and Mossberg 88 in the hands of every man, woman, and child in America, our Nation will be the best defended country on the planet.

Not only that, but this program will put an end to the Democrat Party, once and for all. This alone will reverse the trajectory of our national debt, and usher in a new era of American prosperity unlike any seen in our history.

In the immediate wake of our gun buyback program, one could reliably predict a short period of brutal violence, most notably in the inner cities. Tragic though this may be, it will, in the long run, reduce crime by ending the lives of criminals and fools. People who are unsuitable for firearms ownership will surely misuse them, and lacking proper training, they will be no match for those who come to stop that misuse.

Save for perhaps Redneck Revolt, MS-13, and certain OG Bloods & Crips whose aged wisdom displays their keen navigation of life in da hood, Democrats are notoriously unfamiliar with firearms. They have always imagined that, by mere proximity to an AR-15, one becomes so overwhelmed with the urge to murder the innocent, that evil Nazi spirits consume the soul, and send the bearer off to gun down as many people as police response times permit.

Doubtlessly, many of them will set off to fulfill this fantasy within moments of receiving the gift of their new compulsory right, and now surrounded by fellow gun owners, will fortunately have their mass murder fantasies cut short by saner citizens of lighter complexion, and Republican Party affiliation.

By this mechanism, the Democrat base of criminals and defectives will eradicate itself without Republicans having to fire a shot. No longer a force in electoral politics, they will be reduced to a handful of iron fisted warlords, who will attempt to rule by force over small territories of major cities, and finance their government through crack sales and sex trafficking.

Once this consolidation of power has been permitted to unfold, the federal government may opt to send in troops to reclaim these territories, or simply allow things to run their course, and send hazmat crews in to remove the bodies and drugs some 12 to 36 months later, depending on how much food was on hand at the time of the outbreak.

In addition to the end of the Democrat Party in terms of sheer numbers, the rapid depopulation of inner cities will cause home prices to plummet, bankrupting countless Jews, and thereby depriving both the Democrat Party and its myriad activist, media, and anarchist front groups of the financing requisite to continue their campaign of terror against the country.

Surely this all sounds too good to be true, while raising some concerns with varying degrees of legitimacy.

The precipitous decline in population, and corollary drop in home prices is worthy of addressing.

The economic model of the United States depends on a fallacious anticipation of perpetual growth, not only in dollar terms but in population size as well. A sudden drop in the housing market would in effect resemble the bursting of an economic bubble, similar, and perhaps more damaging than prior such problems caused by routine business cycles. Additionally, Social Security, Medicare, and other programs for senior citizens, now removed from the compulsory savings models under which they were originally introduced, are in effect “Ponzi Schemes” which rely on an ever expanding number of young people to finance the lifestyles of their elders.

We must resist the temptation to scrap our program based on these concerns. These models were always doomed to fail at some point, and it is better we do so in this controlled fashion, than kicking the can down the road for a less White and thereby less intelligent citizenry to manage later.

Some would contend that we could easily solve the decline in population numbers by continuing the open borders policy imposed on us by the kritarchy. Indeed, we could replace our blacks with Mexicans in short order and rapidly fill up our census data with foreign born newly minted citizens, but this would fall short of stemming the economic fallout, and of course result in all manner of crime and other social maladies, perhaps even the revival of the Democrat Party.

While it is true that temporary discomfort would result, we can recover from this in a single generation so long as our women return to their sacred duty of bearing children. This too will be facilitated by our gun buyback program.

Once guns are in the hands of every man, woman, and child in the United States, the awesome power and responsibility of gun ownership will reinvigorate the masculinity of our men. With lactose intolerant blacks gone from our economy, demand for soy products will plummet, causing farmers to reallocate their resources to more profitable crops, and removing phytoestrogens from our food supply. This will turn our women into sex addicts in frighteningly short order.

With the blacks gone, demand for abortions will plummet, and with the Democrat Party out of the way, no subsidies will find their way into the coffers of Planned Parenthood. By these mechanisms, birth control and abortion will not even have to be outlawed, they will simply be forgotten. But of course, we will ban them anyway, for the sheer joy of doing so.

To ease the economic burden, we can sell the rims, hoopties, grills, and Hi-Point firearms left behind by the blacks, to China. In addition to the sudden influx of revenue, this will have the added benefit of reducing the population numbers, and cultural level of our most capable competitor on the world stage. With the Chinese knee deep in rap music, shell casings, and uninspected vehicles, American manufacturing will be lifted by increased export demand, as world markets adjust to China’s decline.

A global realignment of foreign policy will necessarily emerge from this. Whereas the Russians and Europeans had been hedging their bets, planning on America’s downfall, they will once again accept us as the world’s leading superpower, and their allegiance shall necessarily follow.

At that point, there will be scant reason for world leaders to care what the Jews say, and we can finally turn our attentions to the root of the problem.



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Christopher Cantwell comedian, writer, voice artist, and Patriot.

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